The Daily Dragon does not make any claims to the accuracy of the science presented in the below article as the panelists were making judgments based on personal bias and preference. You are free to answer for yourself.
In a rowdy hour at the Hilton 210-211, scientists used the scientific method to determine what is the least worst option in rounds of would you rather because science. The experts, who were asking what they signed up for before the panel even started, were acclaimed theorist on the science of fiction Ryan Consell, forensic anthropologist Emily Finke, forensic entomologist Brandon Strauss, and paleontologist Trevor Valle.
Without further ado, would you rather:
Be a red shirt on a mission that should be easy or be a substitute sex education teacher at a middle school?
The consensus: Substitute sex ed teacher because you don’t have to tell the parents what exactly you were teaching their kids.
Be the cleanup specialist of the alien goo mess after the Battle of New York in The Avengers or explain to someone every day that the moon landing never happened?
The consensus: Alien goo. It probably won’t affect your human DNA all that much, but listening to people who don’t think the moon landing ever happened can affect your mental health.
Run tech support for your grandparents every day on a landline or be on a planet that is being obliterated by the Death Star?
The consensus: Family bonding is a good thing.
Be in charge of cleaning all the test tubes at the CDC or the safety officer of Cloud City?
The consensus: Cloud City’s safety department is woefully nonexistent. There are no handrails anywhere. On the positive side, probably no one cares and there isn’t insurance. At least the CDC has personal protective equipment.
Have to take portals everywhere you go, including into the next room, or take organic chemistry, and pass, every year for the rest of your life?
The consensus: Portals are pretty cool. Who cares if everyone using them is dying of cancer and breaking bones?
Be part of trade negotiations or sand?
The consensus: Split between wearing stunning gowns for trade negotiations and loving sand.
Judge a creationist science fair or be part of a focus group for a teen heartthrob boy band?
The consensus: Once someone sings “I want it that way,” it is impossible for a crowd of people not to sing:
Tell me why
Ain’t nothing but a heartbreak.
Tell me why
Ain’t nothing but a mistake
Tell me why
I never want to hear you say
I want it that way.
Do you agree with the esteemed scientists or dissent?