Blushing through “Nature is Kinkier than You”

Caution: Contains Adult Content. This article is written in [bracketed code] to avoid Bleeps!

Biology experts Emily Finke, Tina Saey, and Emily Willingham expounded upon the myriad ways that “Nature is Still Kinkier than You” at a Science Track panel Saturday at 10PM on the track’s YouTube channel. Emily Finke also acted as impromptu moderator.

The panel discussed mating rituals and rather specific reproductive patterns of countless animals, cetaceans, insects, arachnids, gastropods, cephalopods, fish, and worms. The first example given verified the depiction of octopuses shedding arms, by Jules Verne in 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea. These abandoned arms were actually used as [eggplants] to distribute [seed] packets. Sea slugs also have detachable [eggplants] that they leave behind after coupling.

Terrestrial banana slugs were also described as having interesting courtship rituals. The hermaphroditic slugs descend from tree branches on slime/mucus trails and fence with their [eggplants] to determine who is the depositor and the receptor although both can be inseminated. The fencing also determines who breaks off and leaves their [eggplant].

Leopard slugs also dangle from a mucus ring, are also hermaphroditic, and have [eggplants] as long as their bodies. Courtship rituals involve a glowing choreography of shapes made which may serve as a form of species recognition prior to coitus. Both slugs are depositors.

Seay noted that female cave crickets in Brazil also have multi-barbed, [eggplant]-like members used to gather [seed] from the male’s [lotus]-like pocket. The female indulges in collection activities for 40 to 70 hours before inseminating herself. The reverse is true for sea horses.  The female inserts eggs into the male’s pouch, and he broods them.

Other oddities discussed were certain ducks’ explosive [eggplants] and labyrinthian [lotuses], panda [instructional sex videos], oral activities involving [eggplants, lotuses, and sometimes peaches] by bats, marine flatworms, or bonobos, socially distanced and sometimes interspecies (with wingmen) reproduction by plants or barnacles, and the velvet worm’s “mating via trebuchet.”

For more on the subject of Nature’s assorted [eggplants] consult Phallacy: Life Lessons from the Animal Penis by panelist Emily Willingham, expected release September 22, 2020, as discussed at https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/52644982-phallacy.

Author of the article

Amy Herring

Amy L. Herring (Louise Herring-Jones) writes speculative fiction, with a preference for historical fantasy and alternate mystery. Her stories, appearing in fourteen anthologies, include “The Poulterer’s Tale” in God Bless Us, Every One—Christmas Carols beyond Dickens (Voodoo Rumors Media, 2019). Amy is a NaNoWriMo co-municipal liaison. She also coordinates the Huntsville (Alabama) Literary Association’s writers’ group. Visit her online at http://www.louiseherring-jones.com.

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